Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in InnocentCriminal's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, June 30th, 2004
11:07 am	peoms I look in the mirror and what do I see A young confused girl looking back at me. Fear in her eyes, pain in her heart She wants the help offered, but doesn't know where to start. I look in the mirror and what do I see, A fat, ugly girl still staring at me. Now tears fill her eyes as she begins to think, Has she gotten fatter? Her heart begins to sink. 15 years old, and a lifetime to go, Dreams of the future to live and watch grow. I look in the mirror and what do I see? Myself with a disorder staring at me. Denial is common, admittance is the key. Oh how I'd like to love the girl staring at me she asked me what's wrong? i wondered if she really wanted the answer. I've never been so unhappy? or is that even the word. i pass those people and they act like i'm, a freak. so what if i am? you think you know me b u t you don't know a n y t h i n g. you think you know what its like to b e m e to have these feelings, but you don't. do you ever wonder what i'm thinking when i cut open my flesh and watch myself b l e e d? do you know what its like to live the unthinkable? to be half a person do you know what its like to be sexually abused? to be conditioned to believe that you are the reason bad things happen. do you know what its like to want to die, even for a moment and believe that feeling? have you ever relived the past everynight in your dreams? has loneliness ever been your lifestyle? do you think that depression is a case of the blues? do you think i can snap out of who I am? do you think by ignoring me I will go away to dismiss troubling things can allow you to sleep at night she asked me, what's wrong? i lied and said n o t h i n g i can't fix it anyway Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Monday, June 28th, 2004
10:19 am	the wedding ring i want!!! go here.... http://www.titaniumera.com/ordersale/siren.html Current Mood: crazy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 7th, 2003
10:37 am	love sucks.. hey, jordan u where right. is was cheaint on me... so u dont have to do that thing no more... jordan rember wat happen last time this happend.... wit all the emails flying aroundd? that was funny and grand.. but gay too. ne ways.. josh dumped me for his ex slut whore bi bitch.. i dont get it... i told him not to.. becuz she emailed me and said her goal was to break us up and steal him back.. just to have sex wit him..a dn she never liked him in the first place.. just wanted him for his dick... and i rember a lot of people tell in me that shanessa juss wanted josh forhis dick... so yeah... but i have to go.. lata alls.. leave notes if u wanna.. peace out.. and go here to read more... http://www.blurty.com/users/wacky_backy/ Current Mood: moody Current Music: he fucking hates me (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 6th, 2003
10:08 pm	..... the dayz draw near, i want to think of it as no big deal, signs of it coming tru appear, more and more, dayz go by so fast, i wish i could freeze time yet i dont, he will be gone, free from the prison and i will be left alone, he will b eout of my hair but let them in my hair, iti s good yet bad, yet good, yet very bad, he will be gone for good, never live here again, but why? why will i mis shim? why will i be sad? he will still be my brother, no matter where he is? juss i wont get to see him, not like i see him any ways, he only is home to sleep, and play games and to eat once ina great while,.... matt u will be missed, and all, ilove you bro!! Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
Monday, August 4th, 2003
3:01 pm	dun dun dun conclusion ok i went though my entries, man that was some werid stuff, hehe sayin zackrie is the best bf, yeah right, i have the bestest boyfriend right now, JOSHUA!! hehe, i love that name, and my conclusion is that i have not been the same since i hitteded my headeded, hehe, im okay, sweet moneky love, hehe, dont ask, dont wanna explain, but ne ways, im out, i think i am any ways, ....... oh boi, im wit a biker dude she said .... ok i cant ryhm, so ill go, bye chill out Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: i have no clue i cant find winamp! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 30th, 2003
10:30 pm	MUDDD hehe, i juss got done playing in the mud how neato is that? stupid concular, wat areu guys doing? well we are in the middle of a mud puddle, covered in mud sitting in it, so we are eating pizza, or looking for my boyfriend or gold fish!! DUH, then he is like u gonna jump in the lake after words, DUH again, then on our way back home he stoped us again and asked if we played in the mud juss for fun, no my mom made me othere wise i could not eat supper, wat in the world,?? and it was fun having him stalk us too, follwed us back to the house, but it was fun, hey it is raining, that is juss air bubbles, wait it is raing,!!! hehe, Current Mood: crazy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 29th, 2003
9:36 pm	freakin out hehe i am listeing to backstreet boys, how crzy dumb is that? hehe scarey, well im gonna be gone some time, hehe, how mad fun is that? sweet monkey love, there is nothing that can explain the love u get from gazing into a monkeys big brown eyes from across the table and haveing him stare back at u, and his nice brown hair, aahhhhhhh dont ask dont ask, im ok, i htink, ok ne ways back to reality speacking of fish i like steak how bout ut guys? ok i swear i have not been the same since i hit my head that one day at school, have i? Current Mood: confused Current Music: dont want u back bsb hehe (Comment on this)
Monday, July 28th, 2003
8:55 pm	jay, wow ok this weekend was fun, on saturday i went to maple grove, it was fun fun fun, some sweet tka moneky love, hehe, and i spent the night at jays house, charlie is soo fat, oh mi gosh, scooby is cool i liked it when i asked charlie to fight and scooby attacked him. taht was fun, i was in a dress, how freakey is that???? scared me, i wanna go to iowa!!:( i miss josh! i love you joshua!!! hehe, i really do love him, i wish we were not so far away, jay dave and matt i cant believe u guys did not beat that leave on that game, those deadites are freaky, it was crzy i swear, im glad to be home and i called josh and all, so im happy, i love josh, did u know that? hehe, ne ways, im out, lata chill and no trish i dont wanna go out wit jordan!!!!!!!!!!!! so BLAH Current Mood: hyper (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 23rd, 2003
12:18 pm	hey yall hey everybody who reads this, i juss got my puter back, hehe, it was so werid last night, cuz zackrie, my ex emailed me, it was strange, he told me that josh better be treatin me right cuz im worth it and that he is the luckiest guy in the world!! oh mi, he is soo sweet, i miss him, but me and him are good friends, hehe, i odnt know wat else to say, he told me he loved me as a sister, is that good or bad? ne ways im out Current Mood: sick Current Music: id ont know (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 13th, 2003
9:21 pm	blah Emotional swords slash my soul And now the pain takes control I think about you I think about me Think about the way that it used to be I need a bottle I need some pills I need a friend I need some thrills A shoulder to cry on a friend to depend on When life gets rough It's like a fight every single day It's always easy when you have it your way Deep in my heart In the depths of my soul My selfish ways are out of control I'm sorry that it comes down to this I punch through the wall as I break my fist The makeup smears Tears that we cry Over and over every night You're so selfish You're making me want to end this relationship You're making me want to end this Loving ties unwind Lost time behind Loving ties unwind Lost time behind (Comment on this)
Friday, July 11th, 2003
9:15 pm	hehe wow. okay here is some of the stuff over the last year i have laughed my butt of for, read it and weep, it is funny how funny it was, If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime. But if you shove a fish down your pants, you're a freakin weirdo. apple juice colslaw potato slade, smile it will make ur butt tickle haha i cant think of any more but u get the idea, Current Mood: giggly Current Music: first date (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 6th, 2003
3:41 pm	normal? wat is normal? I tried being normal once.... I didnt like it so there, im bored, as useally, im goin gto call josh soon, but not now, i still have an hour to call him, i cant believe it, mitch is in town i might get to see him tomrw!!! yes more mitchy hugs, awww the best in the world. use to be. then josh came. awww josh, hehe wat ever happend to mr josh? do u all rember mr josh? i have pics of mr josh hehe, how werid is that?ill get pics of him, so i have to get pics of my baggy pants, me, and mr josh! oh mi to many things to do and so lil time, scatch that reverse it, hehe juss kidding, my post and journal things are so werid, i juss ramble off stuff, ramble ramble blah bla bla. BOOO . did i scare u? hey llook now im writing right here! how cool is that? now im right here tyoing... hehe do ut hinkim hyper? maybe maybe not w h o k n o w s wher eis mitch? where is josh? i bet he is not in a tree! or in a semi truck. hehe, lata Current Mood: crazy Current Music: my pretty boy (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 5th, 2003
3:19 pm	miss u i miss my joshy! sadness! i miss his secrets! i am soo tried! i was up at 7 cuz it was soo hott in the tent, yawn, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz srry i went to sleep, well i am going to go lata IM SUN BURND!!!!!! Current Mood: sore Current Music: pretty boy(song bout joshy) (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 29th, 2003
4:43 pm	ever hear of fireworks going off when u kiss? it is tru :) okay as u know me and josh are yeah, but last night he came over for my birthday party, the adults that were there had fireworks roman candels i believe they are called, me and josh where alone down the hill by the pound or wat ever it is, and told each other mouths a secret, three of my gurl friends where comeing too but SOMEONE kept falling hehe tra tra, so any ways they went back up and we were telling Msecrets(mouth secerest or MS we will call i) and the two guy adults headed down cuz the female adult knew we were down there alone, oh my hehe, so we the MSs where going on and fireworks went off, it was nice, poor joshy, *:HINT:* DONT PICK UP SMOKE BOMBS AFTER THEY ARE LITE!! right hunnie? hehe now u have a green finger... sexy.. kinda.. hehe. my butt got wet last night from the grass, oh well, josh said it looked ok, hehe i think he juss like to look at my anus, oh well.. im out, cuz josh is not home:( he is some where else i dont know where, 4 more dayz to joshy leaves!!!:( whos sholder can i cry on??? juss thinking bout it brings tears, if i get this sad when he leaves then i will be really sad when he leaves for a year!!!! ROAD TRIP!!! Current Mood: giddy Current Music: meet you there (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 28th, 2003
4:19 pm	secrets are lies but not this kind hmm how should i start this out? my heart was going soo fast it felt like it would pop out of my ribs, we arived bout 30 minutes late, he got in the car did not speak was to scared/nervous my first bf and my first date. aaahhh mom got lost on the way there so we were 30 or more minutes late for the dance, go in there and still not talking much dont know wat to say kinda akward and all asked if he would come out on the dance floor, cody scared me so i go by my bf, and all of a sudden a slow dance comes on, YES, we got close and dance, fuck is he tall!! i only come up to his sholders.. damn, any ways after the dance we held hands, he kept makeing fun of me cuz im short so i sat on stage and he sat next to me and we held each other his fore head and mine were touching next thing u know he is telling me a lovely sweet secret, not to my ear but to my mouth, if u dont understand wat i am saying, i got my first kiss on my first date wit my first real boyfriend.. awww, time stoped sure there was music in the back ground but hell if i can recall wat it was. my mind was not on that, when it ended i rested my head on his sholder, soon he told me nother secret, it was the perfect night, slow dances and secrets, soon it ended, he held me out side, i say my rents so i had to leave :'( one more secret for the road and a hug, i dont think i stoped smileing since last night, i could not sleep juss recalling those moments over and over, i wish that night would not have ended!!!he is coming over today!! yes but he is leaving in 5 dayz!! :'( im going to cry!!!! and i have to work that day and leave for vacation!!! :( my friends where annoyin last night.. when we were getting into the secret they would say aww how cute or something,, it was funny but yeah, i will write more lata, bye Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: id do anything (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 26th, 2003
11:19 am	it my birthday hey i am 16 today. hehe suckers. it my birthday. yes it is.. i think it is any way.. hehe. wow. im hyper..w here is my hunnie? aaahhhh thatpain it hurts... bye i was up at 7 only 7 hours of sleep yep yep yep only s e v e n y e s i k n o w h o w t o s p e l l w o w l o o k a t w a t i a m aahhh i cant type that awy.. to confuseing yep yep. .where i my hunnie i might get to see him tomorw yeah.. aahhh scared.. i am scread. wat do i do? aaahhh my first date.. aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaahhhhh aaaahhhhh oh where is my hair brush... hehe.. we rae the pirates who dont do anything... im srry i cant be perfect.. good bye for real. aaaahhhh juss thought iw ould post since i have not for a while hehe.. oh bye Current Mood: hyper (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 18th, 2003
6:42 pm	butterfly to day i ate cheese pizza wit hotdogs on it.. yumm yumm... taste like chicken, i cant wait for my birthday party, the 28 is when we are having it my birthday is on the 26, yippy fun ufn funf for everyone.. eh? well.. josh i guess asked me out yesterday. yippy, sad that he leaves july 3rd!!! :'(jordan i think delted all of ur journals.. sadness, jojo has a gf i think.. idk..nick hehe he is nick i guess. send me an angel.. oh wait u did.. heheBOOm idk wat to say.. so im going to go.. lata Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: boom bloodhound gang (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 17th, 2003
11:08 am	voices wish i died instead of live...i was addicted to u and u where a dick tome.. never really did like me did u zack? i did not give up on u when u got hit... but u gave up on me...u are an ass slut... i was to obessed wit u? wat was i suppose to do wat u do and cheat on me? i mean ocmeon.. there was like 3 dudes after me and i blocked them all to stay faithfull to u..hope u have a good life wit out me... i had plans this summer to go and see u.. i hope u have fun fuckin those asses.. wish one was mine... i loved u... u never told me how u felt... i cant bleive u... u didnot evern have the nerves to say it ur self... happy birthday on sunday too... i love u and always will.. but i guess u dont have the same feeligns for me.... u love katie why dont u date her... laters (Comment on this)
9:45 am	giving up im giveing up..... not on life... not on myself.. not on anything... i guess.. on steve i am.. he is being a butt and wont talk to me cuz of my wonderful man... but that is ok i guess. i dont want to feel bad bout him not talking to me cuz i know that my man i better then him... he is not the outside ur window God pic kinda guy..if i could i would go and see my hunnie. the more i learn bout him the more i like him. he is on right now.... i dont know if he knows that i like him so much... but we are going out and shit.. but who knows.. i would give himt he world if i could.. i hope we never break up... i dont know how he feels really dont wanna ask and sound all bitchy or some shit like that.some people say it wont last cuz it is LONG distance.. but i say fuck them it is working.. ok wow... ohkay that was wrong...i dont think u tell u gf that u miss ur hott friends... that is wrong.. but wat ever... i ll never say goodbye... i never wanna see u cry.. but anyways... speaking of fish i like steak. do u say this to u gf? "man yea i was wheelin in tha streets and this fine ass gurl came up to me and was like dog your hott wanna fuck i was like i would bone u in a sec but u see my legs ant doing right hehehhe" i dont think so... but neways... but any ways... im out... laters.. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, April 11th, 2003
8:48 pm	ummm hey well today i went to a party.... steve wont talk to me.. that sucks anus hole.... all my post get delted cuz of fuckin retards... ironicalpatho is my bested buddy.. she is neato speedo...steve asked me out.... i said no way... i have a BOYFRIEND the bested one there is... i felt bad.. now he wont talk to me... sad... tear.. oh well.. life goes on.. u say im a hoe i say ur a freak life goes on.... i wont forget the memories though.. oh well... ill be ok.. cuz i have ZAM.... i dont know wat to say... ill post laters i bet... i have to think... (Comment on this)